


Just one step at a time

by Daily_Scenarios



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: 2017 prison time era, But that's canon, M/M, Missing Scene, Robert's feelings, he's not coping well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 01:12:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19713292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: "Vic called him out on his bluff. He couldn't sleep. Not in their bed. Not without Aaron in it. It hurt too much. He could barely stay in the room. All the memories came rushing back to him. Good and bad ones. But they had one thing in common: Aaron was always there. Always."It's about how Robert's coping with Aaron's in prison. (Badly) Basically, it's about how he's trying to get on every day without his husband next to him.





	Just one step at a time

Vic called him out on his bluff. He couldn't sleep. Not in their bed. Not without Aaron in it. It hurt too much. He could barely stay in the room. All the memories came rushing back to him. Good and bad ones. But they had one thing in common: Aaron was always there. Always. Even if he wasn't, he wasn't far away. Even after an argument where neither of them meant a single thing they've said before... Robert could always walk to the pub, or the scrapyard....the bloody cafe, and Aaron would be there. Now he's miles away. In a place where Robert couldn't follow him. But god he wanted to. He wanted to run after him, telling him he's not gonna do this on his own...as ridiculous as it sounded.

Now he had sleepless nights. It was kind of like back in the affair days...just worse. Because even then Robert could see him even if from afar. He couldn't do it now. Prison had rules, and he didn't want to make things harder for his husband either. _His husband._ Whenever the thought came to his mind it gave him a little smile. They're married. Even if it wasn't official, Aaron was his husband. Robert never thought it could fill him with that much pride he felt every time he reminded himself to that. He only wished he could visit Aaron where no one else would be around. He didn't think about anything sexual, although he really missed him in that way as well. He just wanted to hold his hand, to hug him, to actually feel his body against his. God, he would've given anything if he could even stroke his arm. Being this helpless...it was killing him.

Every night after they closed the pub and everyone went to bed, he got the duvet out and settled in the living room. Vic was right, even if he didn't want to admit it to her. He couldn't sleep without him. Not just in their bed, he couldn't sleep anywhere either. All he could think about was that 6 pm phone call. That's what kept him going. Because even if just for a second he could hear his voice. Even if it was awkward and they didn't really know what to say...even if he wouldn't get a moment alone because Liv was always there. At least he could hear him.

Since he couldn't sleep he was always thinking. His brain couldn't stop. Not even for a moment. Earlier he was thinking about how he would swap places with him if he could. He'd gladly do it just to save him from all this. He wasn't even thinking about himself. How he'd cope in prison. No. He only thought about Aaron and how he'd do anything to get him out of there. Even if it would cost him his own freedom. That's how much he loved him. Aaron helped him realize what's important in life, he helped him to be the man he knew he could be, to accept himself. He saved him from a lonely life. And now he couldn't do the same for him. He was trying with the appeal but all this waiting...it was getting harder every day. Just like it was getting harder to get himself together so nobody would see the pain he was in. He knew that Vic knew and Liv at least suspected how hard it was for him, but he still tried to put on a brave face. To act like he could get through the day without falling apart. Especially for Liv. He promised Aaron he'd look after her. And he meant when he said she was his responsibility as well. Maybe they didn't start on the best of terms but... their relationship was solid now. It was alright. And he wanted to be there for her because he knew how hard it was to deal with everything. He didn't want her to do it on her own.

He didn't like company these days. Didn't want to wear the mask he's been wearing ever since Aaron had to go. He was so tired of pretending. Truth is all he wanted to do was cry. Because this... all of this...he felt so helpless. He knew it was selfish but sometimes he didn't think about anybody else, just wanted his Aaron back. In the rare hours when sleep found him, he dreamt about him. About holding him, pulling him close.... not letting him go. Even in his dreams, it was hard to put distance between themselves. It was even harder when he was awake. 

It was his fault anyway...Aaron being there. If they weren't arguing that night... Aaron wouldn't have done what he did...they should've gone for a holiday. He should've got him out of the village.... why hasn't he?

His mood swings took out the better of him, and he always felt exhausted. His head....it was a mess. Sometimes he felt like he couldn't take it anymore. Then he thought about the phone call. He thought about _HIM_. Then he whispered _'Just one step at a time'_ before he sighed and tried to get on with his day. To make the time go faster....until it's time to sit down with Liv, waiting for that call. Waiting for _him_. Because that was something he knew he could never let go. Hearing his voice. Even if he was miles away.

**Author's Note:**

> it just popped into my head after rewatching a scene so... I wrote a short little something.   
> If you guys have requests (that fit into canon stuff) go for it. 
> 
> you know where to find me ;)


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